I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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