as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
