I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
