just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
