garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think I died a long time ago.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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