I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
