1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
