feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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