She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
