Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
