I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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