yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
