Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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