your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
