I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
