That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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