I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
