I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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