sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
