i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
