He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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