Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
