I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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