By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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