you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
