I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
