dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
