I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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