I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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