it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
