i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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