I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
