If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
