Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
