I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
