she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
