i just google imaged poop.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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