end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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