I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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