where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
