saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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