There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
