...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
