dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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