She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
