last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
