Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
