I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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