You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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