haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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