So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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