Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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