u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
