Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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