I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
