Your face is a jimmy john
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
