He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize