I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
