I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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