I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
