bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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