I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
