so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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