He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
