So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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