Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
