Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
