i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
