She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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