Just took my morning after pill in the library
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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