dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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