Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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