Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
