Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
