By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
