I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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