she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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