Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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