she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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