I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
